No Church in the wild

3 weeks after the tryst 

8:25 am Friday

Funke and I have practically engaged in every unconventional form of pleasure, Needless to say we have repetitively exhausted all that is within the boundaries of normalcy and we are well and truly satisfied.

I must say it was quite the fun ride but it was time to move on. 

Yeah Yeah I am Scum sue me.

We were together 24/7, we hung out whenever we could, we watched the same movies, we did the same fuckin shit.

I was bored and apparently so was she, Imagine the startled look on my face when I found out I wasn’t the only one getting some.

Everyone that called her beautiful or held a conversation with her more than 5 mins would get some even married dudes took her home faking divorce with their wives. After fucking she would come home to me, Ain’t that a shitload of messed up ? 

I couldn’t be bothered the least though, she was too gullible. Swallowing literally whatever lies and gibberish she was told just to part her legs. She wanted to be here, there and fucking every where.

Today I was going to end this sham of a “relationship”, If you could even call it that besides I was tired of all that “churchy bidness” Fucking Girls at random from that parish, it felt wrong on so many levels.

Today was going to be the end of it all.

7:33pm Friday

Funke is sprawled on the bed with a friend and fellow choir member both stark naked. I was sitting at the edge of the bed part admiring the beauties before me and part disgusted at my irrepressible need for funke and company. 

Can’t even recall the friends name sigh.

The plan was to have funke over and tell her I was done. But she came with her friend and they waltzed into my room with reckless abandon. I debated long and hard what to say, it was now or never.

From the sitting room area I walked slowly, half thinking about how funke would take it even though I knew she was being unfaithful but our relationship wasn’t defined.

Uh Funke there is something we should talk about…..

I was saying as I walked into my room but as was always the case I stopped short when I saw funke and wtf is her name again?


Ify yes, that was the broads name, Funke and Ify were slow dancing to some nasty trap music and stealing glances at me by the door. 

They smiled and kissed. Both grabbing each others butt I was sold, Funke is a wild one but Ify was on a different pedestal. She glided effortlessly with the swiftness of a starving leopard towards me, planted a kiss on my lips while on tip toes. 

She signalled for Funke to join the party and in a jiffy they were both on their knees taking turns, the rest well….You know the rest.

That was 5hours ago, we had gone at it 5 times, anymore and I would pass out. 

I was up now, too lazy to go pee or grab a glass of milk or yoghurt I just sat there and watched. 

Someone farted, Could not be sure who as they both stayed motionless on the bed except for their breathing, they could have passed for dead. But the air around the room changed and that was my cue to get up and wash up.

I stood naked, one hand on the wall the other hopelessly parted the water from the shower away from my face.

This had to end.


( Ify waits outside for funke )

She doesn’t know why that is the case, we all just had the most passionate and intense threesome ever. Shouldn’t that count for something?

The conversation inside boils over, voices are raised and insults hurled. That brings a smile to her lips, she never really cared about the guy besides his big dick and that he excited funke, that was annoying though because she alone wanted to excite funke.

She wished she could see what was transpiring in the room though. Excitedly she reaches for her clutch purse and takes out her Iphone 6, She navigates to the Video gallery and with her ear plug inserted she views the content of her latest video while seating on the steps of the house.

Video begins 

0:01 seconds and counting,

Ify fakes a selfie video and when funke tries to set the bed, Ify with her arm showing over the camera places her phone behind the clock on top of the bedroom fridge.

It was a perfect angle, she fastforwards the clip just a little bit. 

06mins : 42seconds and counting

She is making out with funke, just relieving the moment gets her wet. 

The dude walks in but from the clip she can’t see him but she can tell because funke and her have started smiling at the door. 

She fastfowards again to the middle of the 1hour clip, recording must have stopped when the storage was exhausted.

32mins : 14seconds……..

The Nigga is pounding funke from behind, while she is directly opposite her kissing and grabbing her boob, but she can clearly see hate in her eyes from the clip as funke moans from pleasure of been fucked doggy style.

She hates this nigga, she tries to fastword again but the slamming of the door jolts her to her senses, the phone slips from her hand and lands on her all stars shoe. 

Funke stormed out of the apartment eyes red as blood.

Let’s go funke mutters, Funke orders

What happened? Ify inquired

Forget it let’s go.


14 days after

It’s all over, finally done with all that wilding out. Blocked all accounts I feel funke and her gang of sexual predators might use to stalk me. 

Even met a girl veronica, she followed me on IG and I followed back, she been sending dms and bomb ass pics. 

Tall, slim, dark and pretty, I just didn’t want to get serious with her all the while because of funke and co. Now she is in my house we connect, she is a bit too eager to please but I have learnt my lesson and I wanna take it slow, A kiss would do. 

Vica as I love to call her is 18 years old and in her second year in school she has a bright future. If only her friends would stop dming me as well.

But she is good and loyal and I trust her, that is what counts.


8 days earlier

Funke and Ify stategize ways to destroy me. They have so far outined 3 options,

1. Get me beat to a pulp for breaking funke’s heart.

2. Upload the video Ify made.

3. Get someone to break my heart too.
But who would they send out to wreck such havoc?

Who could they trust to do such evil?

Who would carry out their nefarious plans?

Ify gets jealous as funke admires another girl on instagram, If only funke could love her and be devoted to her instead of this girls on IG.

It’s funny though that Funke and that Nigga share alot in common, so it is quite likely he would like these girls too.

Ify goes on IG, goes on search, her MTN network delays a little and a few handles pop out.

Funke is the first, The Nigga is second, Lisa her friend is 3rd. Shd clicks on Lisa’s profile, it is her besties birthday….

I celebrate you today blah blah blah

Have a happy birthday VERONICA

A smile curves Ify’s lips, 

There she is, the perfect weapon.


3 thoughts on “No Church in the wild

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